Gearing Up for Winter

Today a cold front came through knocking me for a loop. Reminding me winter is very close. I came down this morning with a rheumatic fever and my joints turned achy and red. Nut im fighting it. Today I rested. I took a pain reliever on top of ny normal doses. Im hoping this doesn't keep me down long its bearable. But I hope I can fight to keep it that way.

Today is just  an awful reminder of what I went through last winter. The pain was unlike anything I have ever endured in my life. I can't help but behind a funk when I wake up with a chill in the house.  I get very depressed.  I can't help but fear if this winter is going to be as bad as last winter. The negative Nancy in me says your doomed crawl under your blankets and don't come out till next june.the positive side of me says dummy get prepared. Learn from last winter.
So I stole my moms space heater...stocked up on socks (no mom I didn't steal yours I baught my own) and baught me mittens of all kinds. If I let my fingers get even slightly cold im done for. It takes me forever to warm back up.  I also baught three bottles of that aches and pain bubble bath soap. My Granny knitted me a scarf. So I plan to keep as warm ad possible if I leave the house. Hopefully with me learning a bit more about my pain management this winter/fall will he more bearable.  As long as I avoid flus and cold weather It should be smooth sailing!

50 days no flare.

Im happy to report that I've not had a flare for almost 50 days! I've had pretty yum days but not to the point death looks inviting.   My joints are tender from this cold front but I keep as warm as possible.
I've wondered if my flare has laid low because my menstrual cycle was non exsistant for two months. But now that I have my period again...tonight I don't feel as great as I have been.  Im almost wondering if I were to have a hysterectomy if my flares would stop altogether. And only pop out under stress.

I feel best when my periods are irregular.  Which is about every three months. I have three months of perfect timing and then two months where my cycle is just way off.  I've been tracking every day of my cycle since june. I know there is a connection between my hormones and my lupus.  

I've taken advantage of my good days.  I still only have so many spoons to use a day. I was able do some house work with out crying at night.

I also stopped the mirapex.  It was the parkinson medication I started in june. I really liked it it worked for my RLS but it really messed with my moods.  I have been very irritable and more aggressive since taking it.  I can't deal with that side effect anymore.  Ill just have to suck up the pain until I can get money to try another medication.

Upon stopping the mirapex. I only have had a few withdraws which is good just the runs and jitters.

Hopefully I can blog again in a few weeks and say im maintaining a flare free record :)

overwhelmed

My appointment today went great. I think. Switched meds added new...ya know the routine. Today I had to confide in my doctor something I hate to admidt. Im dealing with svere depression and severe anxiety.  These emotions are not something new to me but they have progressively gotten worse.
She recommended me to see aa therapist....every nerve in my body clamped shut and my head screamed noooooo absolutely not...I almost began to tear on the spot the very thought of opening myself up to some one luke that scares the living hell out of me. I can open up to my gentle readers because I can't see your face judging me.
I know I need help. I suffer from seasonal depression disorder very badly...it has already begun.
My anxiety levels haven't been good since about late june when I started taking the mirapex. I can't handle people...the only people I can tolorate are the ones im with on a daily basis. I confided to Jeremy that I feel....overwhelmed. and I need help. I need a moment to catch my breath. So I've decided maybe I should seek help.
Another thing that isn't on my good side is im going through withdrawls everytime they switch my medications.  If you have never had withdrawal let me tell you how it goes......
headache
Shakes
sweats
nausea/diarrhea
Body tremors
Severe body aches.

My worste withdrawl was from percoset. It put me in the doctors office bcause I thought my appendix was going to bust. It took two weeks to get over that list of symptoms...I even had to break my o my rule in life and use supositories..... just so id stop vomiting long enough to sleep.

Its brutal. Now with each med change I have slight symptoms....
Headache
Body ache
shakes
Sweats
Ill take that I guess.

Its a rough emotional road im on. Im having more days I want to give up....but I still know I've got do much to look forward to.

Can you OD on TUMS?

Wow wee! Talk about uncomfortable.  My new medication nebutone is giving me heart burn like you wouldn't believe!!!! Its so bad if I lean over I will vomit straigh up acid.  My throat and the back of my tongue are rampant with blisters from this fiery acid in maaah belly!!

I do not have issues with heart burn normally.  Occasionally some of the meds will upset my stomach and ill take a tums to ease the nausea ect... but the past two days I've had to resort to zantazc 150! And its not giving me any type of relief.  I took my last dose last night and will not continue until I see my doctor
Last night I couldn't sleep because if the acid flames. And today I have only eaten pop corn (plain) and literally a whole bottle of tums to find some sort of relief.  Can you od on tums hehe? My magnesium levels should be awesome after this week ;)

*Sniffle*

I am the biggest baby ever when I am sick.  I whine, I cry, im needier, I don't even recognize my self when im sick.  
I seemed to have picked up a cold....oh glory day. My tonsils are already abnormaly large so just the slightest nasel drainage makes them larger. When I bend my head or open my mouth to wide my tonsils make me gag.
Tonight when I lay down on our sick wedge that puts you at a 30° angle my lymphnodes are so swollen in the back of my neck they hurt to touch.

Now im face with a new dilemma.  I've never been able to take cold medicine...im on immune supressents..should I stop taking them until I feel better? Or since my immune system is already down does that even matter?
I can't really take cold meds because I react very easily with them either my heart skips beats or I can't function for three days....
I would get sick on a weekend when I can't call my doctor.  So ill ride the wave till monday.

I think colds and flues tend to be a little harder on me then others.  I think its because im already in so much pain...and add more body aches on top it feels like im just over loaded...and it takes me longer to heal up.

Hypothyroidism?

Where the heck is the thyroid gland??





The thyroid is a butterfly shaped gland located below the larinex, it releases the hormone metabolism.

I honestly didn't know much about about the thyroid... i knew that people with hyperthyrodism had trouble gaining weight...and people with hypothyroidism...had problems loosing....would you know... i'm being tested for hypothyroidism.

I had some blood work done at my RA doctors office but i never recieved the test results... my family doctor called and got them a few weeks ago. She called and said i needed to have my my blood work done again because my numbers were very high.

My BUN/Creatin were 20 which is high...and lets the doctors know that something is wrong and whatever it is, is in my body before it enters the kidneys which is good...its not my kidneys. My alkline phosphate numbers were extremely high as well...which also kind of points to the thyroid not working as it is suppose to.... so what does that mean for me??

I sat down and thought about how i've felt lately....
*tired
*achy (achier)
* ac, has been hard on my joints even more so then normal.
* i've had trouble swollowing... i get choked easy and often times wake up gagging because i choke on my own spit...how sad is that?
*Even more depressed then normal.

I blew off these symptoms... i've got other things to worry about. Then i got to thinking about my weight struggle... i've given up on loosing weight because i gained ten pounds while on weight watchers...so i've started stuffing my face with any thing and every thing again...and haven't gained a pound.... really body? you like junk food?

I know that they can help balance my thyroid with a medication...it takes a while to adjust to get the right dose. I don't feel rattled by this possibole diagnosis. I feel its something easily fixable... just kind of sucks its probably something else that i will have to deal with the rest of my life... I guess I'm relieved that it wasn't my kidneys.... i was very worried that with my numbers being so high that something was wrong with them....since i have so many problems with them.. we shall see.

I also find it odd that the thyroid is in the shape of a butterfly. how ironic right?

Me and Bev Spoonies for life!

This is a picture of Beverly Knaup (left) and ME!(right) Bev is a
lupus warrior like my self! I met her through mutual friends on
facebook when i recieved the news of my diagnosis of lupus. I had no
idea what to do, where to go, what to ask, what lupus was or what it
ment for the long haul....

And like a sign from the good lord above, i logged onto face book to
read my news feed i scrolled through all the bs of "farmville" and
Petville... and a link caught my eye. My former beloved english
teacher Mrs. Bolinger posted a link to a site of some one raising
awareness for lupus. Lupus...the word that had been haunting me the
whole week. .....

I decided to send this Beverly Girl an email... seeking advice and
guidence asking her about her fight.... i didn't know at the time that
email would lead to a long lasting friendship.

You see the ironic thing is, we both went to Marshall, we Both had the
same teacher, but we never met. She now lived in California...and i
lived in marshall...

The emails began. Sometimes we would write books to each other. I'd
never confided my whole self to any one before the way i could speak
to bev... she new exactly what i was going through...she knew with out
me trying to explain anything... i'd never talked to someone who had
lupus. Going through the same type of daily trials.

two years have gone by, she has taught me so much... 1. being
determination, don't stop at just "well we think"...
2. Educate- research everything, inform anyone who will listen...know
your stuff.
3. NEVER EVER HOLD BACK- this is something i'm still working on....
but she is helping me get through the fear of talking to doctors.
4. LIsts- apparently they are important :p

After two years of pen palling it up on the old email and snail mail
we finally got to actually meet and give the gentle hugs we always
send so far away... she is just as amazing in person as she is through
email...except her energy and fight are little more contagious in
person...

Beverly is definatly a sister from another mister :)