Every day Choices

Remember that energy I was so excited about last week? Its depleted. One of the medications I take makes me very tired. Today I had to make a choice to either feel good , but be so exhausted I wouldn’t be able to do anything

…. Or……

Skip a dose today and get some house work done, and deal with pain later. That kind of put me in a why me mood. Why do I have to make these decisions.

Its not fair something so easy to do, has to be so complex. Then I have to remember there is always some one worse off then me. I guess my poor attitude started yesterday. My grandmother called and said its warm and sunny and I needed to take my children outside to play. I got frustrated because I had to make the choice of getting caught up on house work or taking them outside to play. You may be sitting there wondering why I don’t just do both.

OH THE JOY TO BE ABLE TO!

I can only do a few tasks at a time. Taking the children outside would involve me getting them ready…getting myself ready…chasing them, picking them up, and stadig for long periods. I would love to be able to do this with my children. But the sheer pain of picking them up repeatedly, or chasing them, utterly `exhausts me. Not to mention the pain I have to endure through the night just sucks.

I’d rather use my energy to keep my house caught up. This thought just depressed me. It makes me mad that I have to choose. I just want to do both. Be a good mom with a clean house. I get into a self loathing state when my grandmother gets on me about taking the kids outside yadda yadda …. I’d love to. I get so mad at my body for failing me. I have a 90 year old body with a 24 year old mind.

*Sigh*

Suck it up nacy and put your big girl panties on and deal with it.